Lost in Translation

Once I week, I suspend all my usual inhibitions and go for a huge, splurging meal with my visiting mother. Tonight we decided to try something new: a vaunted Japanese-Italian restaurant called "Il Chianti" which has outposts in both LA and Japan. It gets consistently rave reviews, so we figured we'd be in for a treat. It turns out that there hospitality team was trained at the Monty Python Culinary Institute. Please see below. Despite the madcap quality of the service, the food was not too bad.

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Backstory: I order a dish called "Midnight Spaghetti" described on the large menu as "Spaghetti with Spicy Garlic Tomato Sauce"

A huge bowl of pasta arrives with a tomato sauce, thin spaghetti and thumb-sized bits of what seems like fishy white eraser meat.

Actual unedited dialogue:

SAM: "Excuse me, I ordered the Midnight Spaghetti and this is what came."

Japanese Waitress: "Yes, that's it. Midnight Spaghetti."

SAM: "Okay, but what's this fishy white eraser meat?"

Japanese Waitress: "Oh that? The white stuff? (with existential nonchalance) That's squid."

SAM: (less existentially nonchalant) "Squid? But the menu says "spicy garlic tomato sauce"

Japanese Waitress: (blankly) "Yes. That's what you ordered."

SAM: "But what about the squid part?"

Japanese Waitress: (cheerily, as if talking to her pet dog about his favorite treats) "Oh, it comes with squid too."

SAM: "HUH?"

Japanese Waitress: "We just didn't mention it on the menu."

SAM: (laughing) "I see. You're trying to keep the actual ingredients of your dishes a secret?"

Japanese Waitress: (quizzical stare)

SAM: "You know, in most restaurants, the menu accurately describes what actually shows up at the table."

Japanese Waitress: "We have to change it. I can bring you another dish if you'd like."

SAM: (Pointing to a pasta dish described as "Clam with white wine and garlic sauce.") "How about this one?"

Japanese Waitress: "That one??" (with shock in her voice and then with disbelief) "That's the same as the one you ordered."

SAM: "No, I ordered 'spicy tomato, garlic sauce'."

Japanese Waitress: "Yes, its the same."

SAM: "But there's no tomato with the clam."

Japanese Waitress: "Actually, there is. Their both the same and that one there too (pointing to a third non-option) that's the same...all three are the same.

SAM: "There are three separate menu items that are identical?"

Japanese Waitress: "Yes. Do you like Octopus?"

SAM: "NO! Why? Is that in there too?"

Japanese Waitress: "Yes, and some shrimp."

SAM: "But the menu doesn't say anything about that?"

Japanese Waitress: "Yes, we have to change it. We just haven't gotten around to it."

SAM: "Okay, how about this one instead? (I point to "Basilico" which has no further description)

Japanese Waitress: "Oh, that one? That has mushroom, green pepper and onion."

SAM: "What about basil?"

Japanese Waitress: "Oh its there...except its dried."

SAM: "How does anyone know what to order?"

Japanese Waitress: "Oh, they just know, they just know."

Il Chianti
24503 Narbonne Ave
Lomita, CA 90717
(310) 325-5000

Tacos for the Adventurous

On evenings in a desolate parking lot on the corner of 2nd Street and Beaudry sprouts a wondrous Kike's ("Kee-Kay's") Taco Stand. Have you ever seen it? Springing into existence like a mushroom after a rainstorm, they usually set up by 7pm and sling tacos late into the night. The empty lot transforms into a 3rd-world-eco-sustainable temple of handheld wonders surrounded by the pleasant twinkling lights of dystopic nighttime Los Angeles. A little Blade Runner with your carnitas? Though opinion varies as to their quality, it is almost always positive. For $1/taco, their price can't be beat! I quite like them. Meats they feature: Carne Asada, Pollo, Al Pastor, Lengua, Buche, and Chorizo. They seem to be there nightly. Don't miss the grilled onions!

(Photo Heinously Pinched from http://oishiieats.blogspot.com/2006/10/kikes-tacos.html)